Family Life: Stop Comparing And Decide What YOU Want
Kids have a tendency to compare their life to their friends’ lives. They might argue over who got more gifts for Christmas, who has better clothes, or who’s more popular at school. As a parent, you probably tell your child not to compare.
It’s easy to tell your kids to stop this habit, but it’s not easy to model it. When other families in your neighborhood move to bigger homes in better neighborhoods, you might feel the pressure to do the same thing.
When your friends travel more often and further away, you might feel that your family is lagging behind. Even simple things like your child’s birthday party can cause you to compare, so you spend time and money planning an elaborate party that’s better than their friends’ parties.
Is Comparison Making Your Family Miserable?
Like your kids, you may feel the need to measure up and prove that you and your family are just as good as everyone else. But constantly trying to outdo everyone else can cause you and your family members to experience overwhelm, burnout, depression, and even panic attacks.
Maybe you recognize some of your own comparison habits or the habits of your children. The good news is that you can undo the damage with time and practice.
What Do Kids Really Want?
As a parent, you might be tempted to believe that what your child really wants is the latest gaming console, the best clothes, or the hottest electronics. But social experiments like Ikea: The Other Letter show that children prefer quality time with their parents to gifts and expensive luxury items.
You don’t have to move your family to a remote cabin in the mountains in order to spend more quality time together. You can play board games, go on a hike, or build a fort in the living room. Even simple things like going to the grocery store together can be special if you and your child power off the electronics. By disconnecting with technology, you and your child will find it easier to connect with each other.
How Can You Inspire Your Kids?
Another helpful way to end comparisons is to create a family vision board. This lets you and your kids define what you value most as individuals and as a family. You can use this board to guide you when making family decisions so that everyone feels heard.
You can also help your kids stop comparing their lives to their friends’ by getting them involved in events for those in need. When your child volunteers at a soup kitchen every Saturday, they gain perspective. They begin to understand that there are worse things than having leftovers twice a week. When you encourage your child to help others, you’re teaching them to develop an attitude of gratitude and creating a desire to serve others.
When it comes to comparison, understand that it can take some time to change your family’s attitudes. Keep working at it and encourage your kids to hold you accountable, too.
Reflections And Intentions…
- Who do you find yourself comparing your family to? In what ways do you compare?
- When your kids start comparing themselves to their friends, what advice do you usually offer? Does this advice seem to help?
- How can you get your kids involved in activities that help those in need?
Family Life: 5 Steps to Creating A Family Vision Board
A family vision board is a tool that can be a fun way to represent your goals as a family. With a vision board, your family can visualize what life will be like when you accomplish your goals. It can also give each member of the family a feeling of purpose while doing everyday tasks.
It’s difficult for kids to understand that your family is saving money for a dream vacation when they’re eating leftovers or buying second hand clothing. This is because kids don’t always see the long-term payoff of short-term sacrifices. But when you have a family vision board, you can show your kids pictures of your dream vacation and encourage them to think about how much fun they’re going to have in a few months.
Ready to create your own family vision board? Here’s how to get started now…
Step #1: Gather your family.
It’s important that every member of your family contributes to the vision board. When your kids feel like they’re part of the process, they’re more likely to take ownership and work toward your family’s goals.
Step #2: Schedule it.
You’ll want plan for time to work on your vision board. Even a small vision board can take several hours to complete. If you don’t have a lot of time for family activities, you can break up the creation phase into several small meetings.
It’s important that you make these meetings fun for your family. Consider having special drinks or snacks as you work on your board and encourage each family member to dream big.
Step #3: Decide on the format.
Now that you’re ready to get started, you’ll want to consider what format is going to work best for your family. Your family can create your vision board as a poster, a scrapbook or as a digital slideshow. If you’ll be creating a poster or scrapbook, you’ll want to gather plenty of supplies like scissors, tape, old magazines, and even paint.
For a digital vision board, you can create your board inside a program like Photoshop or GIMP. If you’re not skilled with graphic design, don’t worry. There are plenty of websites that allow you to create a vision board online.
Step #4: Consider your family’s goals.
Now comes the fun part. Start talking with your family about your core values, people you’d like to meet, places you’d like to visit, and adventures you’d like to have. Where do you want to be as a family in five years?
If you’re overwhelmed with ideas, it’s OK to divide your vison board into sections. You could create sections for academic goals, travel goals, or career goals.
Step #5: Stay positive.
Creativity requires positive energy. If a family member says something negative, have them write that thought down then crumple the sheet and toss it into the trash. Explain that letting go of negativity is essential to dreaming big.
A family vision board can be a lot of fun to create. Let every family member contribute to it in some way. This will help you bond as a family and allow you to support each other’s goals.
Reflections And Intentions…
- Has your family created a vision board? If not, when can you schedule time so you can do this fun family activity?
- What did you learn about your family members by creating a vision board together?
- Looking at your vision board, how can you show support for each family member's goals?
Family Life: How to Simplify Family Communication
With all the technical advances today, it’d be easy to assume that family communication has gotten simpler. But families are receiving thousands of messages each day from electronic devices.
Whether it’s the advertisements on your smartphone games, the Twitter chats you follow, or the Pinterest boards you scroll through, you’re being given an information overload. This overload can cause problems in communicating with the ones you love most.
Staying connected with your significant other or your children is important. Without communication, family members will eventually retreat into separate lives. To prevent this from happening and to keep your communication line open follow these tips.
Give your full attention.
If you’ve ever tried to communicate with someone that stared at their smartphone the entire time, then you know how frustrating this can be. It can feel like the other person is saying, “You’re not important to me.”
When your kids see you constantly connected to electronic devices, they may be less likely to open up to you and have serious conversations. That’s why it can be helpful to have technology free periods in your day. For example, if your child is a morning person, then consider having a no-technology rule at breakfast. This gives you and your kids time to connect when they’re at their best.
Build a foundation of love and trust.
If your loved ones feel like they’re going to be judged, they’re not going to communicate with you. An essential ingredient to healthy family communication is kindness. When your child or significant other is talking, don’t rush to make a judgement. Instead, try to ask open-ended questions like ‘how did you feel when that happened’ or ‘what are you going to do about this situation’.
Listen to body language.
When it comes to communication, few things are more helpful than body language. During conversations with your kids, take a moment to analyze their body language. Are their words defiant but their eyes are filled with fear? This extra bit of information can make a big difference in getting to the bottom of what’s bothering your loved one.
Discover what you want from your heart.
Understanding what you want and need from your relationships is an important part of communicating with loved ones. For example, it might be that you feel loved when someone performs an act of service for you or when someone offers words of affirmation.
When you know what your love language is, don’t be afraid to ask for it. You might say, “Mommy’s feeling sad. Can I have a hug?”
Of course, your children can’t provide for all of your emotional needs. But when you express what you want, you’re sending the message to your kids that it’s OK to ask for support in the way that they need it.
Communication is a key part of any relationship. If you make a mistake in communicating with your kids, don’t be afraid to be humble and apologize. This keeps your communication lines strong.
Reflections And Intentions…
- When a loved one is speaking, how do you communicate that you're listening? Do you nod along, put down your smartphone, etc.?
- In what ways do you ask for support or comfort from your loved ones?
- Does your family have technology free time periods? Why or why not?